< understanding tonight, again, just time enough for a quick note, feeling the very heavy (suffocating at times) personal challenging life, of having it all, paradise, and then losing everything... the street is cold and hard, whether it is made of concrete or dirt... the pit is bottomless, the abyss almost friendly in the numbing promise of endless sleep and unconsciousness and the hope for nothingness... ironic, that death brings any sort of hope, that ending life might be perceived as a way of living better... that being nothing is better than feeling like nothing and living in pain... still, not wanting to die enough to do it or provoke someone else into helping the process along, crazy enough to hang on to, or perhaps hanging with hope, alone, lonely, stagnating and wasting away at times, but still a lump of hope continuing to breath... however you do it, I hope you continue to breath too... and keep in touch...